Break up

Everyone has been through nasty breakups before, but I still feel an obligation to let you in on some breaking up tips. Never dump someone via an answering machine – saying “You’re fired!” and then quickly hanging up will earn you some bad karma which will haunt you later on. At least have the common courtesy to drop the bomb on someone who’s actually on the other end of the line. Lying about being gay won’t help matters either in the long run. Just tell the truth, grit your teeth, and in 1-4 weeks you should be in the clear, provided that your ex doesn’t try to kill you.